She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
