Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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