Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
