We're facebook friends in real life
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
