shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
