Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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