Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
