Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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