I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
