I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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