my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
