Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
