That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
