remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I deserve this hangover.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
