"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
