i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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