My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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