You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
