I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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