i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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