You're my little dorito
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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