Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
