He disabled his match.com account in front of me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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