Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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