I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
