Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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