Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
