Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
