Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
