Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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