Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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