It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
