Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.

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(805): View more from California

You guys coming?

(1-805): View more from California

We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure

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(714): View more from California

we're chasing vodka with high fives

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien

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(970): View more from Colorado

Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back

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(281): View more from Texas

I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.

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(917): View more from New York City

Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.

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(904): View more from Florida

No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.

(386): View more from Florida

Wow

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