I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
