Pregnant stripper...not hot.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
