We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
