I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
