isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
