too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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