Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
