i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
