How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
