Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i've created a new STD.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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