Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
