He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
