Redeem this text for a blowjob
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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