I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
please don't ironically join a cult
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