I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
