Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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