did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
