And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
