ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
