i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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